Hand-held devices are all around us... everywhere
Alarm in the morning. (device)
Check the weather. (device)
Check the calendar for the day. (device)
Check a few emails before getting ready. (device)
Send good morning text to a friend & confirm plans. (device)
Check the news. (device)
Quick check on bank account. (device)
Just thought of a few to do items for the day. (device)
Bible reading over breakfast. (device)
Take pic as child does something cute while eating. (device)
Send cute pic to grandparents. (device)
Some professional reading on twitter. (device)
Approve a few vacation days for colleague. (device)
Check child's homework & activities for the day. (device)
Plan & post music set list for church this Sunday. (device)
Check who has confirmed that they'll play on the music team for Sunday. (device)
Check security cameras, Listen to music, Check phone data usage, Pay bills, Book flights & hotel, Make a movie, Do a calculation, Send photos for printing at a store, Watch shows, Learn how to fix light fixture, Record a memo, Check work files & print one, Edit photo for posting, Post to social media, Search & apply for a job, Chat with a friend overseas, Check concert schedule and ticket availability and purchase tickets... (ALL on my device!)
Sorry, I know I'm only scratching the surface with these mainly adult uses for hand-held devices.
The reality is that it's going to become progressively... exponentially?... more difficult for our children, our children's children, and their children to achieve balance when it comes to the use of personal hand-held devices. It seems to be critically important that we are all extremely intentional in modelling and teaching what balanced usage looks like.
Some thoughts to establish some family values
I wish we were complete experts on the best way to address this topic. I'm actually quite cautious of those who feel that they are because there are just so many different variables at play all the time! With God's help, here are some things that are working for us in our home at the present time.
The discussion with children needs to start with the reason for having restrictions on devices at home. It's not just because we're old and boring. At the end of August, we spent some time as a family identifying what 'The Manuel Family Values' would be for the coming school year. Together with my wife and me, the kids came up with the following:
The Manuel Family Values 2017
a) Thankfulness to God
b) Tons of fun together
c) Get to know each other
d) A welcoming home
The next question: What do we need to do in order for these values or goals to become a reality in our home?!
Q: If we fail to have significant breaks from the screen-world, are we even capable of considering all the ways we can show our thankfulness to our amazing God?
Q: Aren't there a multitude of ways to have fun together that don't include devices?... surely we don't want to miss those!
Q: How could we ever truly get to know each other on a deep level if we are locked into some social digital world via our devices?
Q: Would guests feel welcome if we're glued to our devices when they are visiting?
With this as the foundation, my wife and I have had a discussion to set some guidelines which have been taking shape over the past few years. In order for these values to mean anything to the kids, we must enforce them consistently and review often with each other while providing a united front to the kids. I'm convinced that as a cumulative group the children are smarter than us and could take over at any time.
Some of our norms
1) Establish times that are device-free
--> eg. Meal times, before church on Sundays, when we hang out together, watching movies together (I can't handle looking over and seeing someone on their device... what's the point of the movie?!)
2) Establish areas in the home that are device-free zones
--> eg. Bedrooms, the TV room, the kitchen...
3) Stay on top of what they are doing on their devices
--> It is our position that as parents, we will have access to their devices and online presence at any time... any time without argument or discussion
--> As a result, we must have passwords and thus have full access to their social media accounts
--> I should add that a respectful approach as a parent means that they can trust me to never snoop for the sake of snooping alone, no matter how entertaining it may be. I have enough to think about in my own life, but will do whatever is necessary to protect my children
4) If there is any negative attitude, disrespect, or entitlement when it comes to the device that we've paid for and made possible for them, they will lose it for a significant period of time... and it had better be a complete and sincere change of attitude in order for them to get it back
5) As much as possible, funnel the kids outside to play roller hockey, jump on the trampoline, read, sing, play........ and join them!
Friends, what is working for you? What challenges are you facing in this regard? Feel free to post below after reading this blog.
May God bless and help us all as we work within this new hand-held-device-world to raise our families!
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