Life with Stella Joy

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.” (Psalm‬ ‭103:13-18‬)

My Mother is Stella Joy (Matthews) Manuel

At the age of 79, she has been given weeks and maybe months to live.  Here are some reflections on my amazing mother.  Thanks for reading.  May it be an encouragement to you and may it encourage us all to Live our lives for Jesus, centred on the Word of God as our guide, in Service of the church, and with Love for our neighbours.

Courtship

Mom was born into a Christian family in northern India. Her father, the Reverend A.D. Matthews, was a preacher and her mother was a home-maker.  She and her 9 siblings went on to become teachers, nurses, doctors, and other professionals. As a teenager, Mom had been active in the church choir which was led by a young up-and-comer named David James Manuel. Although David came from good Christian stock with his dad being the respected Reverend James Manuel, he had fallen into poverty and very difficult times after his father passed away when young David was only 8 years old. This caused his mother to suffer with mental illness and become hospitalized. As a result, David and his 8 brothers were dispersed among their distant relatives. God’s hand was on David and he entered Bible College and began to make a name for himself in the Christian community.

Stella was asked to serve at a very special tea with her sisters as David and his great-aunt were coming for a visit. The purpose was to inquire about the possibility of a marriage between one of the Matthews girls and the young preacher. I’ve recently learned that David had been in communication with Stella quite a bit prior to this tea. In fact, being a well known composer, he had actually shared many of his compositions with Stella prior to releasing them for public use (they are still sung in Indian churches!).  

The strict Reverend A.D. Matthews was very willing to discuss the start of a courtship between David and one of the older sisters.  David, however, was convinced that Stella was the one for him. He remembers the very attractive Stella serving with humility and strength.  Although Rev. Matthews refused the idea of Stella marrying David at first, after some counselling from other community leaders, Rev. Matthews consented. David was now permitted to approach Stella to see if she’d be interested in getting to know him, and she was! They were married at the ages of 19 and 26.

Mother

My oldest sister, Rebecca, arrived when my mother was 20.  Next came Phil when she was 23.  Dave arrived when Mom was 26.  And the youngest, often referred to as Best-For-Last-Vijay landed when Mom was 32. Mom had in the neighbourhood of 6 miscarriages between Dave and me and because of the massive amounts of bleeding she was enduring early in the pregnancy, I was believed to be a tumour in my mother’s abdomen.  Doctors at the hospital in the beautiful mountain town of Massoori encouraged my mother to terminate whatever was happening inside her body; it certainly wasn’t a baby anymore!!  

Well, that wouldn’t do for Mom.  She decided to lie still on a bed in the hospital for weeks on the chance that it was to be a healthy baby. Interestingly, the support for this decision came from a Hindu doctor who agreed with Mom and allowed the solitary confinement. At my birth, Mom prayed and asked the Lord to grant her 18 years so she could raise me to be a man of God; she was convinced that there was something very special that God had in mind for this nearly-aborted baby.  This message was given to me my whole life.  Perhaps they said it to all their kids, but I absolutely believed that I was on this earth because God has a special purpose for me.  I have since learned that this is true for all of us!  :)

Teacher

Mom was a teacher and an excellent one. She could explain a concept in a way that was easily understood with simple illustrations. Teaching in an elite private school in India was no small feat and Mom accomplished this very early in her career.  The English Medium schools required students speak only in English and as a result, my first spoken language was English because that is what my family spoke the most at home. The move to Canada meant leaving a promising career behind for the sake of the Gospel. Although she TOC’d in her new Canadian home, she would never rise to the prominence she would most certainly have experienced had she stayed in India.

Family

Mom loves her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren and devotes most of her time to planning special events for them. This included shopping trips, Canucks games, the famous Back-To-School Banquet, Christmas, Easter, & Thanksgiving gatherings, House Boat trips, Drives to Alberta to visit family, Dinners at her home, and so much more. Growing up, I always knew where to find my Mom; she would be at the home that she had so carefully established. Any time that I would stop by meant food, prayer, and love... every time. This was consistently true for me and also for my friends! Our home was a safe place for so many of us.

Ministry

Mom devoted her life to serving her King. She loved Jesus and would do anything for Him including serving the Reverend David Manuel, her husband. She modelled what humble service looks like. Don’t get me wrong, she ran the business of home at the same time, but managed to maintain a balance that personifies the Biblical idea of a wife that supports her husband while at the same time is smart, idea-rich, strong, and as a result, respected by all. I grew up watching my mother host dinners for their famous friends, soaking in the deep discussions my dad was having at the table with the likes of Dr. Ravi Zacharias and Dr. Ted Rendall. These folks all love and respect my mother because of the safety that her home provided for these ministry-level discussions and debates to take place. They also loved her for the delicious food at the table!

Values

So, what have I learned as a result of the absolute privilege of growing up under the careful and thoughtful watch of Stella Joy Manuel?  I’ll post some bullets below, but truthfully, each could be a separate blog post.

Put your trust in God completely because He is worthy.  Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of we can not see.  Mom has lived and modelled this life.

We are not victims, so keep your head up! I have never known the victim mentality because of my mother. Her identity is in her Saviour and she has never wavered from it. If Christ is for us, how could we be victims of anyone?  Who could be against us?!

Commit to your church and serve faithfully. So many of us picture Mom in the kitchen at our church during the annual Conference hosted by my dad.  She served upwards of 500 people with delicious Indian food Friday night, Saturday lunch & dinner, and Sunday lunch.  Amazing.  And the work was done with joy and love!

Help those in need around you. I remember walking to the store with my mom in Three Hills, Alberta to purchase groceries for what was to be a spectacular meal including a meat dish!  Being an immigrant family and a Bible School family at Prairie Bible Institute meant that we didn’t have much money. One of my older brothers had done some work in our neighbourhood and given the money to Mom so we could eat something special that night.  

On the way to the store, Mom ran into a friend who shared a health concern that required medications that they simply couldn’t afford. To my shock, Mom gave the extra money earned by my brother to the lady so she could buy the needed medicine.  When I asked her about this, she said to me: “God will provide!”  I haven’t forgotten this lesson because I’ve seen just how miraculously God provides first hand over the course of my life.  The crazy ending to this story is that the next morning, we anonymously received some cash that allowed for the special meal to happen the next day.

Be absolutely loyal to your family. I have always known that if everyone else hated me, my Mom would still love me.  She has fought for me, made sacrifices for me, and stood beside me through it all. The trumpet that my son is now playing in the MEI Marching band is the same trumpet that my mother purchased for me to play in Razzberry Jam at MEI.  That wasn’t an easy purchase for her, but she scratched and saved so that I could develop my musical abilities.  She did the same when I needed a guitar.  Also, when I needed Spot-Bilt hightop runners to play basketball for the Eagles. All of these purchases came at a cost, and that meant fewer things for her.

Hospitality for all! Everyone felt welcome at our home.  I learned later in life that we weren’t actually rich.  Growing up, I didn’t ever think about it.  Strangely, all my friends loved coming to our little house.  Why?  I believe that it was the Food, the Unconditional love, the Encouragement, the Judgement-free environment, and the Godly influence.

If you know something is wrong or bad for you, don’t try it the first time. This one’s simple. I’ve been saved from a lot of trouble because of this.

Develop good friendships. When we were called to serve God in B.C. in 1980, our family was alone.  Mom worked hard to develop meaningful friendships that have lasted all these years.  I have to say one symbolic thank you which represents many people who became our aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Vic and Anne & Harry and Helen Jesse were there for our family when we were poor immigrants who landed in Abbotsford with nothing to our names. They hosted an outreach event in their homes for people working on their berry farm who spoke the Indian languages. 

Dozens of people crowded into the farm-owners’ homes to hear about Jesus through my dad, and many were saved!  In my impressionable growing up years, the Jesses were like uncles and aunts to me and their kids were like cousins.  What’s amazing is that they are there for my mother now and it moves me beyond what words could describe. Thank you. There are so many people who have loved our family over the years and I’m so very thankful.  May God bless you for your commitment to supporting the proclamation of the Good News of Jesus Christ and the role that the Manuels have had and will have in furthering this message of hope!!

Now

We will have a few weeks or maybe months with Mom now. She is confused most of the time but has maintained her hilarious sense of humour. It’s not going to be easy to watch this smart, funny, tough, beautiful person struggle through the exit-process from this earthly existence.  I’ll say this of the Manuels though: We have trusted God every step of the way to this point, and will unwaveringly trust our God now.  He is faithful.