I had the privilege of officiating the wedding of very special family friends this past weekend. Chad and Janelle shared life with us from across the street for a number of years when we helped each other with projects, shared coffees on the front deck, cried together, laughed together, and ultimately spurred each other on towards serving Jesus better. Their two daughters, Jordyn and Billie, are absolute beauties and will have my love and support for as long as they will need it.
Sarah & I met with Kyle and Jordyn to prepare for the wedding ceremony. Kyle is a man of God who is filled with integrity. It became very clear that God’s hand is on this young couple! What an honour for us to be involved in their start as a married couple. I want to share with you what God put on my heart for their wedding message; it’s a message that I’ll review often as a married man and I give the glory to God for anything good that comes from it.
Wedding Message
Sarah & I have been married for over 19 years. I want to share with you what I’ve learned about what love looks like in a committed, Christian marriage.
It’s become an isolated action or activity that is void of soul-connection and dominates... everything
Self-Serving
Me, me, me
Pleasure Centred
It needs to be something that makes me feel good
Getting-Ahead Focused
“They are such a power couple; so successful!”
Insecure
In the absence of true & unconditional commitment, insecurity is like a blanket laid on top of the relationship
Test and See
I’ll see if they’re what I hoped for...
Stick With it!
But only as long as it’s working for me
Putting on a Show
Make sure you keep up appearances at all costs
Team
What are the shared values that will guide you as a couple? Revisit often!
How will you function? What are your rules of engagement?
Honesty
Say it, don’t fake it!
Put your true feelings on the table and don’t let them build up into a small nuclear explosion
Respect
Protect the dignity of the marriage institution that God created
Your love for God, or lack of it, will be demonstrated in how you treat each other
Exclusivity
Don’t ever let anyone else in closer than your spouse
They should never have to wonder if you’re closer to someone else
Intense Loyalty
Never say, hint at, or suggest (eye roll) something that brings your spouse down in front of others
Who they are, which includes their family networks, is who you are
I’m certain that Ruth and her mother-in-law didn’t agree on everything, but Ruth honoured her in a way that has become a model of loyalty for all of us.
Fight Through Each Storm
The storm is actually the test of the work you’ve done to build your relationship
Prepare as those who prepare for a coming hurricane!
You will be stronger on the other side of the storm when the seas calm again, but during the storm:
- Watch your words because they will last
- Don’t ignore what’s brewing; face it courageously together in a God-honouring way
Sex
I mentioned sex at the top of this message. Here’s how sex fits into God’s model. Because of the Team, Honesty, Respect, Exclusivity, Intense Loyalty & Fighting Through the Storms Together, God’s gift of sex becomes something that is beautiful and God-honouring as well... yes, God-honouring! It is so much more than an independent act or activity. Sexual intimacy in a committed, Jesus-centred marriage relationship is safe, fulfilling, and beautiful.
Humility
Wrap all this up in humility: seek forgiveness often and forgive easily!
First, let’s consider what ‘love’ looks like in popular culture today
SexIt’s become an isolated action or activity that is void of soul-connection and dominates... everything
Self-Serving
Me, me, me
Pleasure Centred
It needs to be something that makes me feel good
Getting-Ahead Focused
“They are such a power couple; so successful!”
Insecure
In the absence of true & unconditional commitment, insecurity is like a blanket laid on top of the relationship
Test and See
I’ll see if they’re what I hoped for...
Stick With it!
But only as long as it’s working for me
Putting on a Show
Make sure you keep up appearances at all costs
In my experience, married love in a Jesus-Centred marriage looks different. It stands out and actually draws others towards it and ultimately to God.
These are some of the key things that guide me and Sarah.Team
What are the shared values that will guide you as a couple? Revisit often!
How will you function? What are your rules of engagement?
Honesty
Say it, don’t fake it!
Put your true feelings on the table and don’t let them build up into a small nuclear explosion
Respect
Protect the dignity of the marriage institution that God created
Your love for God, or lack of it, will be demonstrated in how you treat each other
Exclusivity
Don’t ever let anyone else in closer than your spouse
They should never have to wonder if you’re closer to someone else
Intense Loyalty
Never say, hint at, or suggest (eye roll) something that brings your spouse down in front of others
Who they are, which includes their family networks, is who you are
“But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God...” (Ruth 1:16-17)
I’m certain that Ruth and her mother-in-law didn’t agree on everything, but Ruth honoured her in a way that has become a model of loyalty for all of us.
Fight Through Each Storm
The storm is actually the test of the work you’ve done to build your relationship
Prepare as those who prepare for a coming hurricane!
You will be stronger on the other side of the storm when the seas calm again, but during the storm:
- Watch your words because they will last
- Don’t ignore what’s brewing; face it courageously together in a God-honouring way
Sex
I mentioned sex at the top of this message. Here’s how sex fits into God’s model. Because of the Team, Honesty, Respect, Exclusivity, Intense Loyalty & Fighting Through the Storms Together, God’s gift of sex becomes something that is beautiful and God-honouring as well... yes, God-honouring! It is so much more than an independent act or activity. Sexual intimacy in a committed, Jesus-centred marriage relationship is safe, fulfilling, and beautiful.
Humility
Wrap all this up in humility: seek forgiveness often and forgive easily!
People will come and go in the next 5, 10, 15, 20+ years
As God brings them into your life, love them, serve them, and lead them to Jesus every chance you get.
It is GOD who will never leave you. Trust Him. Follow Him. Serve Him. Together!
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